Are you a Chameleon?
Before you answer that question, think about it for awhile. Let me give you a situation.
Johnny, a young lad who is often a class clown in high school, is spending time with his friend Steve. During their time together, Johnny insults Steve and makes jokes about him. Steve replies the same and the banter goes back and forth. After time has passed on their lovely Friday afternoon slander-fest, both gentlemen walk away, enjoying the time they’ve spent together. Both men know the jokes were only meant as a means of having fun and neither meant harm to the other. Later that night, Johnny is with is a good friend, Jessica. The encounter is a 178 degree turn from earlier in the day. Now, Johnny is heartfelt and presents himself in a caring manner. Once in awhile, a joke or two slips out, but the night is uneventful in terms of offences. Jessica, being the shy creature she is, continues to be innocent and show a side of her that everyone at school knows about. Sharing the problems of the world, discussing their own troubles and issues, and eventually just enjoying their soft silence, they sit in the grass looking at the stars above. The next day, Jessica is with her friend Sarah. Their experience together has Jessica swearing here and there while Sarah just zones out, barely keeping up with Jessica’s story of the past night. Jessica’s frustration over Johnny’s ability to reveal his feelings brings her to a furious release of derogatory words, a manner Sarah is not unfamiliar with.
In the above situation, what did you notice, besides the horribly simple staging? Johnny acted differently in front of Jessica than he did for Steve. The same goes with Jessica, she changed herself as well. Does this sound familiar? I’ve found often in the different relationships I’ve experienced (friend or otherwise), I manage to change my “colors” to fit the person that I’m spending time with. If this is true for you, or you’ve experienced a friend who does this, the next question is, “Why do they do that? Why not be the same self in front of everyone?”
Well, the answer isn’t as easy as one might think. A number of factors could contribute to the differences. For one, the interaction between two people might be different depending on the time at which they met in life. For Johnny and Steve, they may have met each other very earlier in their lives and been through experiences that have tested the strength of their relationship. They survived obviously, which gives them the ability to joke with one another and still know they are friends at the end of the day. Another might be the feelings two people have for each other at the time. Johnny and Jessica both like each other and care about each other, so they act very reserved around each other and put forward their effort into looking presentable. Jessica and Sarah’s interaction may be based on how easily comfortable either of them can be with the other. For Jessica, it isn’t difficult to find that level of comfort, so she simply lets herself go and says how she feels to Sarah. Sarah, on the other hand, listens but still does not have that same feeling her counterpart has.
There may be more reasons, but the ones previously mentioned are those relating to my example.
So what does this mean? Is there something bad about changing the way you act between different people? Not necessarily. But then it becomes the question, “Which one is the true self? Is there even a true self?”
I believe there is, just as a chameleon that changes its skin color to keep itself safe. Like the chameleon, the only thing that changes is the outer appearance while the inner core, the true self, exists. It shouldn’t be thought of as a façade when someone changes their “color”, more of a variance of the original personality. In certain situations, we may feel the need to change our gestures and actions with different people. Not essentially to “protect” ourselves, but we might do it to adjust to others. Furthermore, we may do it to show how we truly feel about a person, albeit in a subtle way. For Jessica and Sarah, Sarah may put a distance from the situation because she isn’t a particular fan of Jessica or what she has to say, but since they have a history together, she may feel obligated to not be rude or mean. Some people may have a different opinion or situation, and thus a different attitude about how to handle Jessica. In a different branch, Sarah may just say, “Shut up Jessica, stop being such a whiner about Johnny!” Again, this is all dependent on the originality of the person. For Johnny and Steve, their insults become a special way for them to express how they care about each other. It seems a strange way to say “buddy”, but is it all that hard to believe?
This works great—in theory—for one-on-one relationships, but what about social interactions? Unfortunately, they have different circumstances. This is sad to reference, but have you ever heard the song “Sk8er Boi”? In the song, Avril Lavigne talks about a girl who likes this boy, but because of social pressures, she passes him off. The idea is the same, in the discussion here. Her attitude or the “color” she wears for this guy is based on how she appears to her friends. A “Color bleed” occurs and we make a choice about how we want to act between two different people or groups. Sitcoms have done it before, the child feels regret, because he/she played a practical joke on one friend because the group of friends he/she wants to be a part of told them to do it or else they couldn’t hang out. In the end, the moral is to be true to your friends, but it holds so much more. It shows a real world truth of how one group of people can effectively force a color bleed on one person to occur. Granted, in real life, it doesn’t play out so simply or so obviously. What’s more, the same thing could happen between two social groups. In the end, it becomes the choice of the original personality.
Assuming the above is true, where does that leave us? Are we to be ashamed of the ability to do this? No. Why be ashamed of our human natures; it can’t be changed, so why try? Should we get angry at others because they may show a particular color we don’t like? Why should we? It is how they feel to express themselves to you, there’s no changing that either. It’s more about understanding that we do it and try to keep it in mind for our everyday interactions.
As this is a forum of discussion, I invite anyone to post their thoughts about the subject to open up some discussion. This isn’t meant as a truth, it’s meant as a means to open up new thoughts and ideas. I’d like to hear what other views on the topic.
Are you a Chameleon?
